Forgive?
by Queen Brahne
Summary: Yuna finds out more about her favorite Blitzer's past than she wanted to know, and has to decide how to deal with it. After the 'good' ending. Tidus X Yuna, stronger language in latter chapters.


Okay, this chapter is pretty dry. I'm getting to the good stuff. I'm sick and tired of everyone acting like just because Tidus doesn't sit around feeling angst and wanting to kill people, he's got no thoughts or emotions. And that they've heard his whole story, not just the parts he wanted told. Buttloads of spoilers, takes place after the good ending of X-2, and Tidus x Yuna, although. It doesn't seem like it yet. Now grab your popcorn kiddies, it's time for the show!  
  
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"But, Yuna."  
  
"I'm sorry..."  
  
"Yuna, you promised!"  
  
"...Are you angry at me?"  
  
"It's not that I'm angry."  
  
"Please, don't force me."  
  
The young boy averted his eyes. "I would never force you, Yuna. It's just..."  
  
"Then give me more time." Yuna turned away.  
  
"Yuna, it's been almost three months!" Tidus protested, stepping closer and putting his hands on her shoulders. "Listen, Yuna.... If it's just a moral thing, I can wait, but I know there's more! If you want to get married..." He gulped hard. "Tell me."  
  
She pulled away again. "Why? So you could find someone else?"  
  
"Of course not!" He protested. "You know I don't want another girl." He took her hand, pulling her closer. "Believe me, Yuna." He got his arms around her again. "I only want you."  
  
She sighed, and let him kiss her. She wanted him too, more than she wanted to admit. Everything about him drove her crazy, in ways she'd never felt before. But right as she began to settle in again... "No, stop it!"  
  
"Stop what?" He asked genuinely, before he even realized where his hands had rested. "Yuna, I'm sorry."  
  
"You're sorry... You're always sorry." She whispered, more to herself than him.  
  
"I mean it, Yuna." He replied earnestly. "I won't make you do anything you don't want to." He attempted to hug her again, this time more careful of his hands, but she'd had enough already.  
  
"Just go." She started on the path back to the village.  
  
"Yuna!" His voice was pleading. "Just stay here for a little while longer." She paused for a minute. "I know.... I'm a jerk sometimes. And, I know I've made mistakes. I wish I knew a better way to say how I feel." He took a hesitant step towards her. "I.... I love you." Another step. "If you want to wait, I'll wait..." He took a deep breath. "But, I need to know how you feel."  
  
She stopped, but wouldn't turn to face him. "All these words..." Yuna couldn't hide the distain in her voice. "Did you use them on the other girls?" On the last two words, her voice cracked.  
  
"I told you, they meant nothing to me." He protested, running towards her, but stopping short of touching her. "I never... had sex with any of them, anyway. Yuna, I only told you because I thought you deserved to know." She wouldn't look at him. "I wanted to be honest with you." He looked away. "I was famous, and they wanted to be. I swear, I didn't think anything of it!"  
  
"That's what hurts." Yuna whispered. "Those women, who didn't love you... They touched you. Held you. Kissed your lips." She finally broke down. "And you kissed them. Those things are so important to me... But I have to share them." Her voice rose. "With women I don't even know, that you don't even know! I have to share them, I have to share you!"  
  
"Yuna, you don't have to share me!" he objected. "I don't want them to come between us, ever." He put a hand on her shoulder, but she pulled away. "Yuna!" He turned her to face him. "Please, Yuna. Forgive me."  
  
"Please, let me go." She said quietly.  
  
"Yuna!" He was crying by now. "Yuna, what do I have to do?"   
  
"I don't know."  
  
"Yuna, I can't live with you hating me like this." He was still clinging to her shoulders. "Please, just believe me."  
  
"I don't hate you." She was avoiding his stare. "I love you. I've loved you so much, for so long... Just looking at you is like a dagger through my heart!" She finally let their eyes meet, her mismatched eyes puffed with tears. "Don't you understand? It's because of how I love you that these things hurt." She choked on a sob. "What else do I have to share? They touched these clothes, didn't they? The words you've said to me, did you say to them?"  
  
He blushed. "I forget what I said to them." He admitted. "I wasn't worried about talking." He paused for a minute, rolling thoughts over in his mind. "I'm sorry, Yuna." He repeated. "I never thought I'd meet someone like you. I really didn't think about anything. The other guys on the team did it all and more, and I guess I never thought about it."  
  
"Did you enjoy it?" She wasn't sure she wanted to hear the answer.  
  
"Yeah..." He was blushing harder.  
  
"Was it... Like when you kissed me?"  
  
"No." He stated firmly. "I was thinking about stupid stuff. Like, you know, would Auron catch us, or would Cetan be jealous this time, or.. Heck, where I was gonna have dinner that night. With you..." He tried to find the right words. "I was thinking of you, only of you. It's a poor excuse." He sighed. "But it's all I have."  
  
"Cetan was one of your Abes?"  
  
"Yeah. He used to have girls all the time. He'd tease that he always got the best ones."  
  
Yuna frowned. "And, if I had been there, would you and Cetan have been talked about me like that? And then, you would have bragged to him about me?"  
  
Tidus hung his head a bit. "I know it sounds weird. Things are different in Zanarkand. And, there sure weren't any girls like you."  
  
"I'm sure you checked."  
  
"Yuna." He shook his head. "I know it all sounds bad, but I just want to be part of you, like I never was with them. I want you to be part of me. I want to be here, with you, forever."  
  
"And, how do I know you don't just want another trophy?"  
  
"I swear, I didn't sleep with them. It was just... I don't know how to say it... But I didn't love them! Auron would vouch for me, if he were here." He looked into her eyes. "I promise, I've only felt this way for you."  
  
She finally allowed herself to look into his eyes. That beautiful, piercing blue… It was the first thing she remembered about him. Who else had stared into them? For how long? Who else had been wrapped in those same arms? And what else had they done? "I need more time." She repeated.  
  
"I miss you, Yuna." His voice was softer, submissive. "I miss the way you used to look at me." He lifted her chin gently. "I miss..." His voice trailed off as he got nearer.  
  
She wanted to forget it all, and kiss him like she had that night. Heck, if she could have, she would have let him do everything he'd dreamed about. Everything she'd dreamed about. For two years, all she could think about was how much she'd missed him, and all ways she'd like to show him she'd missed him. It seemed like, after all that time apart, she could forgive him, but just before their lips touched, the images flashed through her mind again. "No!" She pushed him back, her eyes filling once more with tears. Those sea blue eyes locked with someone else's... Those arms... Those whispers... That smile! She could never share his smile. "Please, go away."  
  
"If that's what you want..." He whimpered.  
  
"Please." She repeated, and then began the walk towards the village. She was almost sure she could hear him crying, but she just couldn't bear to look at him again that night. She hurried back to her tent, feeling tears of her own gather in her throat. Tonight would only bring the same dreams she'd been having since that night he'd told her.  
  
She still remembered every word. She'd never felt so stupid in her life. There she had been, pouring her heart out, offering him everything she had. Offering him herself. At first, she'd thought he was just being shy, but then...  
  
"Yuna..." He cleared his throat. "I know you don't want to hear this, but I have to tell you."  
  
"What?" She's asked casually, wondering what could be so important he'd postpone a perfectly good moment to tell her.  
  
"You weren't... My first kiss." He started.  
  
Her face fell. "I was afraid I wasn't." She admitted. "So..." She gulped. "What was she like?"  
  
"I don't remember. That's the problem." He took a deep breath, then let the words come out in a rush. "There were lots of them, Yuna, I don't remember how many, dozens. Maybe hundreds. I swear I didn't sleep with them, I'm sorry, I had to tell you, and I don't remember any of their names, they were all fans, and they wanted to get a piece of a famous guy, and I let them because I didn't care, and I...." He paused to catch his breath, but didn't dare look into her eyes yet. "And Auron's the only reason I didn't screw them, and he told me I'd regret it, and I didn't listen to him, and now...." He finally locked eyes with her. "And Yuna, can you forgive me?"  
  
If words could kill, She would have been dead. For all this time, she'd been worried about a girl, maybe two, maybe even a few. After all, he'd been famous. And she'd assumed.... How could she have been so naïve? And after that, he had the nerve to ask her to forget it? "You..."  
  
"I know how it sounds, and I know what I'm asking!" He assured her, clasping his hands on her waist. "You don't need to forgive me now...."  
  
"No you don't! You don't know what you're asking!" Her eyes were wide with fear. "You..." She staggered back a step. "Did you even care, when you kissed me?"  
  
"That was different, Yuna." He pleaded. "Please, I need you to believe that. You were nothing like them."  
  
"I was nothing..." She repeated.  
  
"No!" He shook her shoulders, honestly scared. "Yuna, I didn't mean it that way! No, Yuna, please.." He tried to look into her eyes, but she pulled away. "I'm sorry, Yuna."  
  
She stumbled towards the front of the tent. "I need to go.." She offered, her face pale.  
  
"Yuna, please don't be this way." Tidus pleaded. Just barely out of the tent, she dropped to her knees and retched. "Yuna, I really am sorry!" He offered her his hand.  
  
"Don't touch me!" She screamed, jerking from his hand. She felt sick, stupid, hot, cold... "Please, don't touch me." She repeated hoarsely.   
  
"I... Love you..." He offered meekly, drawing his hand back.  
  
She stared at him for a moment. "How can you even say that?"  
  
"Because it's true." He replied. "And I didn't realize what it meant until I knew you."  
  
She couldn't say anything. "I have to go..." She ran towards her tent.  
  
"I mean it." He said quietly, unsure if she'd even heard him, and then went back into his own tent. They would both cry themselves into an uncomfortable sleep that night. And, in such a small town, everyone had heard. Just hearing it for herself had been hard enough, but the whole village was walking on eggshells, and it just made it worse.  
  
"Dammit..." She whispered into her pillow. "Why?" She closed her eyes, but it only conjured up another woman to hold her Tidus. To kiss him, touch him, and all... With him smiling. She dug her nails into the pillow, hot tears streaming down her face. "I loved you so much." She still loved him, but the pain... It was so hard to live with the pain.  
  
"You look awful, ya?" Wakka tried to joke, but Yuna only glared. "Listen, Yuna... It's none of my business, but, If you ever want to talk about it..."  
  
"I don't." She assured him.  
  
"Ya, I got that feeling." Wakka nodded. They both stared in silence for a moment, and then Wakka spoke again. "He said he's going to Luca. He's gonna swim to by himself Kilika, said it might help him clear his head, ya?" He laughed uncomfortably for a moment. "Said, if he got lost, he'd just wash back on shore in a few days, ya?" Another uncomfortable laugh. "Yuna... he's giving you your space, he said he thought it would help. Said he didn't know what else to do, ya? He just wants to make things right."  
  
"Are you saying I should forgive him?" Yuna replied curtly.  
  
"I don't know about that." Wakka admitted. "But anything's better than seeing you the way you are now." Wakka leaned closer. "He said not to tell you, but he's willing to go away forever if that's what you want." Yuna drew in her breath sharply. "I hope it don't come to that, ya?" Wakka headed back towards his tent. "And come here, I got something else I'm not supposed to tell ya." He disappeared for a second, then reappeared with a sphere. "It's a gift. From Sir Auron."  
  
"Sir Auron?"  
  
"Said he made a little documentary of our Blitz ace, ya? Said that if the boy ever told you too much, you should probably watch it. Said it'd be hard to watch, eh? But... He said it'd answer your questions." Wakka handed her the sphere. "I was hoping it'd blow over on it's own, ya? But I was thinking... While he's away, it might be a good time decide, if you really want to know." After another second, he left. "Well, like I said, it's none of my business. I just hope things go better for ya. Be strong, eh, Yuna?"  
  
She stared long and hard at the sphere. Part of her wanted to smash it to pieces and forget, part of her wanted to cram it down his faithless throat. But, most of her had to know. After a few more moments, she took a deep breath and turned it on.  
  
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AN: So, what's the sphere about? Tidus, of course. What do you think? Before you review, please notice that no one called Tidus by name. I strive for accuracy, here. Now, on to the horrible past! XD 


End file.
